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| 04:17am 09/05/2009 |
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So I happened across an old cd while organizing my own cds after so long of not listening to them. They were in horrible order, and for some reason 4 of them were not on my mp3 player, and so I had to re-rip them. Anyway, back to the story. Waaaay back in the day (circa 2000-2001) ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) dmdm619 made me a cd of rivet stompy music. Now I doubt I could name most of the artists and songs on this cd, but damn, it reminds me of my early club days when I started going to Therapy....You just don't hear the industrial noise out here...well, you did a little when I first started going out, but not much at all, and it is really only the same 5 songs at the end of the night for Industry. Not the same at all.
Man, I miss Therapy and my rivet stomp noise....still can't listen to Skinny Puppy without laughing though...
Gotta figure a way to add this cd and the one ascertain (amzer) burned for me so they don't just dump in the unknown folder....hrm....
(also, ha! user icon from that era of my life as well! wheeeee! damn I need more sleep....)
*edited to add* I also have facebook and twitter now....twitter is Remia42, send me a message for the facebook if you want it... |
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| 09:17pm 19/03/2009 |
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So the kitties are home. In case anyone missed it, I took em to the vet today to get their spaying. The place I went to deals mostly in strays and ferals and works off donations. SO as result spaying and rabies were cheap, but because I didn't have the $55 they ask per cat as donation for owned kitties they both got their ears clipped as well. Not as much as they do to the ferals, but yea. I didn't do it for free though, I did give them what little cash I had on me, all 30. I feel a bit bad I couldn't give more, but with the brakes going out last week I really didn't have more.I'll probably go back after my next check and donate a little more I think. It's the least I can do right?
But yea, been home since about 745ish. Both kitties are still in the carriers. Ninja puked a little bit ago, so when I offered them food and water just now Ninja only got water. And Pirate was offered a small spoonful of food she only licked at. Though while I type she's horking up herself. Poor kitties. Guess it's good I didn't let them out of the carriers yet huh?
So yea, I stay home tonight and make sure they are both okay. No club for me. I also have tomorrow off so I can keep an eye on them. I requested it off so I would be able to do so.
Both carriers are sitting next to me on the bed, facing so I can look over at them for now. When they stop acting like they will fall over if a feather hit em I'm going to release them into the bathroom with some towels down on the floor to help keep em warm for the night. I have their water bowl available for them, and put a small amount of dry food in the food dish I normally give them their wet food. About 1/2 a cup. Also think I will leave the carriers in the bathroom with the travel food and water trays with a tiny bit of wet in it. No more then a spoonful really. |
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| In July... |
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| 08:24pm 08/03/2009 |
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I'll be doing my damndest to hit up Comic Con. I haven't been in 6 freakin years, I plan on breaking the streak and actually making it out this year. So yea, San Diego, I will be home at very least for my birthday if not Comic Con. If you want to meet up during that time/hang out better let me know! Or just find me at con. heh.
Of course, I better go fill out the volunteer stuff.....I can't afford to pay that kind of entry! *l* Only day I don't think I will attend is Sunday, probably be heading back to Texas that day. Depends on what I can find for flights in and out of town.
Of course this means I will also have to find someone to kitty and rat sit for me during the time I am gone. If I am still where I am now I might be able to ask the roomie to do so for me. The cats only real extra care they would need would be their litter box changed and fresh water as needed. The rats, well, just checking up on them really and giving them some more food midweek. They have 5 water bottles in the cage so it's unlikely they will run out of water. |
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| 08:38pm 06/03/2009 |
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One of my friends last week told me I think to much. I agreed. I have this bad habit of over thinking things to the point where I let all the what ifs take over my brain. I get stuck on the what ifs and could have beens and loose track of whats in front of my face. I fail to see whats there and what isn't there other places because of the racing thoughts in my head. Who knows if that makes any sense, but once in a while the over thinking makes me have one of those profound moments of drunken clarity.
I had one last night, but it didn't click until I went back and rethought my response to a question I answered. The answer was more a correction really of something I had said before, but was misinterpreted about whom I was talking about. I don't even remember what was said, but my response was what got me thinking this morning. I went over my response in my head and thought about what had prompted me to say it. It all clicked into place suddenly. It made sense why I said what I had. It was a terrifying thought that made me giddy at the same time. I was nearly crying over the realization that hit me like a ton of bricks.
Sometimes healing comes when we least expect it. sometimes it comes before we are ready to let go and stop picking at the scabs. I wasn't ready before to stop picking that scab, I wanted to keep the wound open. In doing that I made it worse on myself and possibly those around me. Healing is slow, but I'm finally learning to stop picking the scab and let things be. I'll miss what I had, but I know better now.
Thank you Trina for helping me figure this out. And thank you Tom for not wavering in your advice despite my unwillingness to listen to it no matter how many times you told me the same thing. I'll try to stop running into walls and use the door instead.
(though I know neither of them will read this here) |
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| 04:56pm 03/03/2009 |
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why is it Pirate seems to dumb to learn when she's in trouble? Seriously, I have sprayed that damn cat a zillion times for getting into the drawers of the desk and yet within 5 minutes she's back again trying to get in them. She knows to run if she sees me pick up the squirt gun, and she knows she will be squirted for getting into the drawer but yet she continues to do it.
And this is why I have favorites with the kitties. Ninja learns so much quicker and behaves so much better. All I gotta do when she's in trouble is reach for the squirt gun and she stops the bad behavior instantly. Example, they get up on the desk they get squirted. Pirate gets up on the desk I have to squirt her 4-5 times before she gets her ass down. Ninja, more often then not all I gotta do is pick up the gun and she's down. If I do have to squirt her it's only once. |
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| 03:58pm 02/03/2009 |
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http://www. app. com/article/20090108/NEWS/90108136/1001/rss
Neptune man pleads guilty in death of pet rat
January 8, 2009
NEPTUNE — A township man pleaded guilty in municipal court to animal cruelty in connection with the death of his girlfriend's pet rat, officials reported.
Todd Smith, 49, entered the guilty plea today before Judge Robin Wernik, said Victor "Buddy" Amato, the police chief of the Monmouth County Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.
The judge sentenced Smith to 30 days of community service, fined him $1,000 and ordered that he cannot have any pets for five years.
On Dec. 26, Smith crushed his girlfriend's pet rat during a domestic dispute, authorities said.
SPCA Sgt. Matthew Giuliano handled the case.
-- Michelle Sahn
I think the bastard should have gotten more, but that's cause I was nearly in the same spot of witnessing my own rats being injured or possibly killed back in september. But it's nice to see that if something had happened there would have been some resulting legal action. |
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| Stuff and things |
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| 03:25pm 02/03/2009 |
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I've got a number of things I want to do in the near future. One of them is to get a bike and actually ride it to work on getting back into shape. I noticed that ever since I stopped biking all those years ago when I got a car of my own I have been annoyed with the belly flab. It wasn't so bad before I moved to texas, but since I moved I have gained about 20lbs.
though on a side note, since I moved last month I have somehow lost 10lbs despite no change in my diet or anything. It's been suggested this weight loss was due to my stress levels going down, which I suppose is possible.
The second thing I want to do is work more on my contact juggling. Yea, I am fairly decent at the few tricks I can do now, but I need to expand. One reason I haven't worked on it is because the last 2 apartments I lived in have been on hte second story. Dropping an acrylic makes a loud thump even with carpet. When I normally get time to practice is at night, after when most normal people go to bed. I'd like to think I am a considerate neighbor even with my mostly nocturnal habits and simply don't practice when people are sleeping as result. Along with that I also have the desire to learn contact staff, but the staff alone to start out will cost me about 100 between the staff and shipping.
Third thing I want to do is make a trip back to San Diego. Preferably in time for Comic Con. I haven't been since I left SD, and damnit, I wanna go again! Go to the xsanguin party and all that. Hit up Therapy and Sabbat, and whatever else goth club is still lurking in the area. I want to see all those old people I used to hang out with at the club like Meli and Isabelle and Mikey.
Fourth thing I want to do is get enough money saved up so I can look into buying a house. I have wanted to buy a house for the last 8 years. It's a goal of mine I seem to slip a little further away from every day. I'm getting better at the putting money in savings and not touching it, but I'm not managing to put much away so progress is slow. I am making small dents into the debt on the credit cards, but again it's small dents. I have 2 and combined it's near 7k, I have one that I expect to pay off in the next 3 months, but it will be at least another 2-3 years before I am completly debt free between credit card debt and other debt (I have 2 loans, one a personal loan and one a student loan to pay off as well and the money owed the electric company from the bad roommate I haven't even started to work on). And yes, I know tackle the smaller debts first then move onto the bigger ones. I am doing that.
And the fifth thing I want to do? I want to go to Germany on vacation. I won't do that till I am more fluent in German though, but that's another thing I don't get to practice cause I don't know anyone anymore who speaks German, and I am not going to school so I can't take classes.
Which brings me to the last thing. I want to go back to school. But this falls back on the money issue. I can't afford to go to school. Granted now that I have my taxes for last year done and am now filed as divorced I can start looking into grants. Last year when I started to look into grants because I was still married despite filing seperatly everything I found wanted the now exhusbands tax information as well as my own, which made me unable to be eligable. He simply made to much for me to be able to get a grant, despite my not having access to any of that income.
It's a start at least. I know what I want to do, but the road to being able to do it is going to be hard and not fun at all. But thinking about it the last few years have been just that, and that was just to survive. I really am tired of living pay check to pay check and having to ask for help to get by. I want to be able to stand on my own 2 feet and LIVE not just survive. It's a little better now, I'm in a place I can realistically afford, but it's still a little bit of struggling involved. |
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| 04:15pm 01/03/2009 |
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10 more days till I have health insurance again. 10 more days till I can go to the doctor again.
and yes, I do need to go, my body is rebelling against me. work is gonna suck tonight! I feel nauseated....blargh! |
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| amzer music or Song Title and Artist Help wanted! |
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| 05:45am 01/03/2009 |
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1. diary of dreams: she
2. blut engel: (?)
3. vnv nation: beloved (live)
4. older stompy song no idea
5. blut engel: children of the night (think that's what it's called)
6. hallucination generation: gruesome twosome
7. vnv nation: beloved (remix)
8. das ich: destillat
9. funker vogt: date of expiration
10. blut engel: (?)
11. apb/vnv: kathy's song vs standing (with some genesis bits in there)
12. statemachine: music from the end of the world
13. used to hear it referred to as the light bright song
yes, if you click here you are taken to a folder with all these tracks, and the numbers all correspond to the track number in the folder. (if the song isn't there it's cause I am working on uploading it still)
and yes, this was an old cd I found the other day while moving stuff around. I popped it into the computer tonight to find out what was on it, and reason it's dubbed amzer music, is cause one night after Therapy (or maybe it was Xanth? damned if I remember now!) I stopped at Amzer's place and he burned this cd for me, to try to increase my knowledge of what the hell I was listening to. Sadly, while I knew some of it, I still don't know all of em off the top of my head and the cd failed to keep the track info when it was burned. Boooo! I know i wrote it down but that slip of random paper with all the track info has been long since lost.... |
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| 02:06pm 17/02/2009 |
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another stupid human trick I want to learn how to do, though eventually I want to be able to do it with.....fire.....*shifty looks* |
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| 01:53am 08/01/2009 |
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So today before I went to work I was watching tv....what show? Cash Cab, it came on after myth busters and we didn't bother to change the channel. Well, we all learned something today....our current VP Joe Biden had tried to run for President back in 1988. Shortly before he dropped out of the race it came about that he not only plagiarized one of his speeches while campaigning from a British politician....
and now, he's our VP. Makes you feel good about what's to come don't it? |
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| short end of stick |
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| 08:37pm 03/01/2009 |
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so, the short is, unless I can find a place to stay next month I'll be moving back to so cal. That's both good and bad. It's bad cause it means I gotta somehow move myself and all my stuff a couple hundred miles and all the stress that entails. It's good cause I will be able to live somewhere I won't have to pay rent and hopefully get my head back above the water. |
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| 05:55am 28/12/2008 |
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zomg....So I was talking to my friend Starla and mentioned to her that I had gotten my birth mothers non identifying background info. During the discussion I mentioned that while I am not supposed to know her name I do because of a letter that I had found at one point snooping in things I wasn't supposed to be snooping in from my birth mother. She mentioned something that I had never even thought of. I now know how old my birth mother is, I could use that info to narrow my search parameters by age seeing as I knew the name of the man she was supposed to marry in 1989. It worked. I found a sight that allowed me to do a generic search for free that gave city and state results and included age as a parameter along with the first and last name and gave other names associated with the one you searched for. She's still in San Diego according to this site. The name I had thought was her first name is actually her middle name. I now know her real first name. Which means I can go to the phone book and if she is listed find a current address.
Now the question is, it's been over 27 years since I was adopted. How do I even begin to write a letter to the woman who gave birth to me? What do I say? Seriously?! In her letter she requested a picture of me, I don't know if my parents ever sent her a picture, but at very least I know I want to send her one of me now.
For the record I say I'm not supposed to know her name because in California all adoptions around the time I was born were closed, no matter if it was with a state facility or a private adoption agency. All you can get is non identifying information unless you fill out consent for contact forms from both the side of the adult adoptee and the birth parent(s) side as well. I filled out mine and filled them last year. I received notice that my birth parents had not filed nor had any adult siblings from my birth parents. The letter that I had found was addressed as from the adoption agency so I can only assume she had sent it there and it had then been sent to my parents. But as I said, I don't know if my parents ever sent her a response or not, but they had at least filed it away with the paperwork for the adoption of myself and my older brother (different birth families).
It's kinda funny how the non identifying information helped me to identify more information on my birth mother. I still know nothing about my birth father, and if the letter I had found is any indication he died in a motorcycle accident before I turned 8. There was no information at all on him other then his age around the time I was born.
*edited to add* oh shit, I think I just found her myspace....*erk* |
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| 02:48am 28/09/2008 |
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So went back and locked a few posts. No reason for them to be public when someone is trying to claim the opposite of the truth and saying he is going to sue me, when in fact if he were to try he would lose cause I really do have all the evidence in my favor. In fact 1 claim he makes can be proved false by the apartment complexes books. I never told him what incriments I paid to get the apartment complex current and he made the claim he did it in incriments of 200. All it takes is the records to show that was not the case. Not to mention one of those money orders came from my bank when I went and cashed a check from my parents that they sent to get the apartment complex current.
And yes, I did buy something from Hot topic, a plush gir to you know try to cheer myself up cause of all the crap I was dealing with. And yes I did pay for vanity plates on my car....my registration was up in july, things were okay in july so I did it assuming the person in question would pay me back for the money I covered him for at the start of the month, which he claims to have paid me back for but never did. And yes I did pull an axe on him, but I was a full yard in my own bedroom he was trying to enter at the time. And this was very shortly after he had threatened my pets and my life, so damn right I'm going to have a weapon in my hands! Esp when I know the person in question carries knives on him. I wanted to keep the fucker at arms length and to do that I had to grap a weapon and arm myself. |
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| 09:07pm 27/09/2008 |
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So while my roommate was steampunking his phone this afternoon I was working on my own project....the dragon faries. Granted no working oven at the moment, but I can at least get started making them to get the hang of it right?
Excuse the fact I have him perched on the sculpy box....and the fact he has no wings as of yet....I haven't gotten to making them yet
Also keep in mind, this is the first thing I have made with sculpy that wasn't a flat nametag (which I might add was made ages and ages ago at a girl scout camp). And yes, I know he's white, so some of the detail is lost for the moment, but yea, I'll be painting him after the baking...and he'll get his wings then.
And one last thing, these pics were taken with my phone....so quality isn't that great, but it was faster then using the other camera.
Pictures under the cut cause I be a lazy mofo and didn't crop the size down before uploading.
( Read more... ) |
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| 04:28am 02/09/2008 |
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Shit.....I had a dream where I was crying over someone, who I have cried over in the real world as well, for the same reasons I could cry over them. You know things are bad when even after the break up months down the line you still wish it hadn't happened. You know things are worse when you even dream about crying over it. |
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| 02:12am 03/03/2008 |
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So yea, long time no post eh? Guess you could say the real world caught up to me or something. I'm doing better then I was with my last post on here, just in case anyone was worried.
So where have I been? Not a loony bin thank god. heh. I've moved out of the apartment I was in and in with a friend of mine. She's hardly ever home so it's almost like I have a place all to myself most of the time. Very nice indeed if you ask me. yay! I've had limited internet since the first of jan for the most part. Finally hooked up again so that's good. It's nice to be online when I want to be again instead of wanting to get on and finding there is no net connection within range of my apartment.
So yea, in a nutshell things are better, and I have internet. I'm extremely grateful for both. |
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